Shyness And Social Anxiety
Shyness can be a troubling problem for many people. Eight out of ten people report that they have felt shy at some point in their lives. Forty percent of all people describe themselves as shy at the current time. Most people experience shyness or social anxiety when they think about social events such as parties or asking someone out on a date. Social anxiety also occurs when people are called upon to perform in front of others or when they are the center of attention. When people experience social anxiety several symptoms often occur:
Shyness can make meeting new people difficult and may prevent people from speaking up for their rights. Shy people tend to be very self-conscious and preoccupied with the negative evaluations of others. These problems may limit self-development and interfere with interpersonal relationships. Nevertheless, most people are able to handle their social fears without many problems. For some, however, these fears become so intense that they avoid doing things that are important. Or they begin to abuse alcohol or other sedating medications to help them overcome the anxiety.
At this point social anxiety usually begins to interfere with a person's ability to function at home and at work. Socially phobic people may become very isolated and lonely. They may even become vulnerable to depression. Sometimes these individuals need help from a mental health professional to get them back on track.
The Shy Child: Just A Phase?
Shyness is much more common in school-age children than it is in adults. Shy children often feel "unpopular" and less attractive than their outgoing peers. Fortunately, many children outgrow their shyness during their development. Birth order seems to affect one's chances of becoming shy. First-born children often get more upset in anxiety-provoking situations. This is explained partially by the tendency of parents to have unrealistic expectations for their first child. First-born children may feel inadequate when they do not meet these standards and become sensitive to the negative evaluations of others. Later-born children may have more opportunities to build social skills with their other siblings. These younger children often become socially out-going as a means of survival with siblings who are initially stronger and smarter.
Having at least one shy parent increases the likelihood that a child will be shy as well. Children may learn to be self-conscious by watching how their parents respond in social situations. Authoritarian and demanding parents are more likely to have children who are publicly self-conscious. Many children, however, are able to learn how to adapt to social demands.
Chasing Away Butterflies
Here are many techniques you can try to overcome social anxiety:
1. Practice.
When you rehearses social interactions in less-threatening environments, you will become more confident and less anxious.
2. Exposure.
Forcing yourself to face your feared situations can increase feelings of self-confidence. The only way that this technique will be successful, however, is if you persist through the anxiety without escaping the situation. Even if you do not perform "perfectly" you will be proud of yourself for "sticking it out."
3. Eliminating Uncertainty.
Obtain information to formulate appropriate social scripts for novel situations. Develop "opening lines" for various types of encounters.
4. Raising Self-Esteem.
When you think you can, you probably will succeed.
5. Lowering Self-Preoccupation.
Challenge the assumption that you are the center of attention. Focus less on your response and more on what is happening outside you.
6. Reduce Approval Motivation.
Question the belief that you have to be accepted and loved by all.
Additional Reading
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Bolton, R. (1979). People Skills. New York: Touchstone.
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Gabor, D. (1983). How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. New York: Simon & Schuster.
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Leary, M. & Kowalski, R. (1995). Social Anxiety. New York: Guilford.
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Zimbardo, P. (1977). Shyness. New York: Jove.
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