Empty Nest Syndrome
"Anyone who has raised, nurtured, taught, and socialized children into adulthood has accomplished the most important work known to mankind.,"
-- Fr. Angelo Artemas an expert in social issues.
Empty Nest And New Beginnings
For some parents, the process of kids leaving home is smooth and exciting, for others it can be a very difficult transition. Those who find these changes exciting, enjoy watching their adult children conquer life's challenges. These empty-nested parents are able to rediscover past hobbies and focus more on themselves, their spouse and their friends. For those parents who find it difficult, the absence of children in the home creates a vacuum that leaves feelings of emptiness and despair.
As part of any loss or transition, grieving often accompanies the "Empty Nest Syndrome." Parents miss being needed and the day-to-day intimacy that comes with living together. This is a normal reaction to a significant life event. It is important to allow yourself to grieve and not to trivialize the significance of this transition. There is no good alternative. As Mike Bellah, author of "Best Years: Sometimes the Best Begins in the Middle," once wrote, "Part of me would like to keep my children always young and dependent on me, but the first I cannot do, and the second I will not do."
With some parents, this grief process can develop into a more significant depression or anxiety disorder. At that point, professional counseling can offer assistance.
The parents who are most likely to experience a crisis around this transition are those who have build their entire identity around their role as a parent. As with any "single-source" identity, this becomes a risk factor for emotional upset. Thus, it is important to develop interests during the active parenting years that are separate from the children.
Eventually, most parents come to terms with the fact that the relationship with their children has changed, and they learn to accept their new role as the parents of adults. Personal boundaries are adjusted as parents begin to relate to their offspring as adults rather than as children.
There are many rewards in this time of change. Research suggests that many married couples thrive in their relationship happiness after the children have grown up. There is more time for friendships, hobbies, and new learning. In time, the children's bedrooms can be converted to practical and usable space can help parents move forward in the transition. For other helpful tips seek the resources on the back of this pamphlet.
Impact On Marriage
When children leave home, couples often rediscover the companionship of their spouse. It is very important at this time to find ways to build your friendship with your significant other. As you prepare yourself for the second half of your marriage, ask yourself the following questions: * What are you doing to build your friendship with your spouse?
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Are you making connections with other couples in this stage of life?
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Are you taking care of your health and pacing yourself for the second half?
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What are you doing to stretch your boundaries and prevent boredom?
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How can you put more fun in the marriage?
Additional Reading
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Coleman, W. L. From Full House to Empty Nest
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Cobrun, K. L. & Treeger, M. L. Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years.
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Van Steenhouse, Andrea (1998) Empty Nest...Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College. Simpler Life Press.
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